Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Rabbi Meeting

The Mora d'Asra is my favorite rabbi of ones I know. who is only a few years older than me, is my go-to for questions/how I'm feeling with things. After telling him about Shabbos, he feels that this whole thing could get bad, since no one knows my status except for my room mate (and I asked her not to say anything to anyone). However, she thinks that people finding out in May about my status would be weird.

The Mora d'Asra said to call the Gadol Hador and ask him about this sponsoring rabbi business, and I'm waiting to hear about it, too.

Yes, this could get bad, but it might not.

Pretend for a second I work for the CIA or MOSSAD's Kidon. Who I work for is no one's business. I'm not obligated to tell anyone, and why should they want to know. My Jewish background, and current status, is no one's business except mine, and those select few directly involved, or who I choose to tell about it. Converting should be the same way.

Moved In and Settling

I'm all moved in and am settling in, and this past Shabbos was not without its merits.

Let's start with Friday night. Friends of my roommate who also live in my building invited me for dinner. I heard that a family was coming as well. After a knock on the door, the family comes in. I recognized one of the girls from 3 years ago, and didn't know she was in the area. We were a bit shocked to see each other. I later found out that she, like everyone else in the room, goes to the Liberal Orthodox shul. I found this out after dinner when saying good-bye. She said she would see me tomorrow in shul, but I just smiled and said, "Oh, I'm going to [Yeshivish shul].'



I hung around a bit more, before walking downstairs to my place.

The next morning, I get up, have some cholent for breakfast since I stirred it, and then went off to shul.

Each week, I meet more and more of the ladies. Which is fine. I'm sorta' glad about my status, because this is the 2nd week that one of the men tells me he's single.


Nevermind that he's in his 40s, AND had his girlfriend? or just a close female friend? right next to us when he said it.

So, he introduces me to this rocket scientist ( I kid you not), and then to this couple who invite me to lunch. I'm really torn at this point, since all I want to do is to go home, hang out in my pjs, and read all afternoon while noshing on the cholent that I made for the first time in 3 years, which came out pretty good, if I do say so myself.

But no, I was polite and accepted the couple's lunch invitation. Their lunch was fantastic. I'm glad I went. Except for one thing: someone asked me my Hebrew name and I said I didn't have one.

DEAD SILENCE for 3 seconds.


After lunch, Guy-who-told-me-he's-single offered to walk me back towards Shul so I could figure out how to get home. On the way, what does do? Re-asks me, or confirms? my lack of having a Jewish name. I tell him that's true, because I was raised in an unobservant household. He seemed satisfied with this, and doesn't any more questions.

However, he uses us walking to tell me about himself. As in, more information that I would have liked to know after meeting someone 2 hours ago. Like the fact that he apologized for kinda' pushing the lunch invite, even though I made lunch for myself. His reasoning for my wanting to have lunch alone, was that I must have just come out of a 2 year relationship with a non-Jew (which was his reasoning for eating alone for more than a few weeks, and recently from what I could tell). He said that many in the community shunned them, or were only comfortable going to a few houses. The girl had no intention of converting, and they broke up.

I have no idea what is going to happen over the coming weeks. At shul, the rabbi and his wife invited me over for lunch at some point, and I already have plans to go to someone's for lunch this week, so I have no idea when I'll get over to the Rabbi's house. I kinda' feel obligated to tell him, but then again I don't.

Shabbos #1 at New Shul

Note: As I write this, I'm all moved into my apartment. This post goes back a few weeks, to the first time I went to my new shul.

After exchanging pleasantries with an older man, who's a native speaker of an uncommon language I've studied for 4 1/2 years, he introduces me to his male friend who's older than he is.

This friend starts his conversation with me as follows (I kid you not):

"Hi. I'm single. Would you want to meet up sometime?"


To clarify even further, this man is older than my father, and has white hair.

I'm shocked, and don't even know how to begin my response. But I vaguely remember looking down, and softly saying no.

I admit, I could have been a bit more polite, I was just shocked. I mean, what 27 year old expects to be asked out by a man older than her father? And at shul, no less?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Frum Girl Rhodes Scholar


Monday, November 28, 2011


I know I'm not supposed to date. Anyone. People are and do but that's a whole nother issue for a different day.

I'm puzzled over the below situation:

I met up with a language friend motzei Shabbos. He (let's call him M.) and I study less-commonly taught languages, and have lived and worked in the countries we've focused on in school. He's vegetarian, and seems to want to to make an effort to go to kosher restaurants so that I can have "real food" instead of just coffee or doughnuts. Aside from him being 21, and looking older, (and me 27, but looking early 20s), is that while he identifies and was raised as Lutheran (ELCA), his mother is in fact, Jewish. But he doesn't know a thing about Judaism.

We have plans to hang out again, and tentative plans to go to operas and ballets in the winter (which are black tie).

I figure there are 2 options if we were to date:

1.) Stop converting and date him. Yes, his mother's Jewish, but he was raised Christian, so really, it would be just 2 people dating.

2.) Stay friends, or maybe try to date. My converting might be the thing that shows him the beauty of Judaism so he would become more interested in it.

3.) How freaking crazy is it that I would have to convert to date him, even if he's extremely secular by Jewish standards...

So, between this and my last post, there's a huge shortage of eligible guys.

My only options are men my father's age (who are definitely out!), or guys in their early to mid 20s, and not Jewish, but who are fine with how I live my life.

Then again, reading Skylar's blog:

"Similarly, if your new partner isn't orthodox but you're in the orthodox conversion process, that is enough to derail your conversion for "not being serious." Many people approach the conversion process because they're dating a nonobservant Jew, but the nonobservant Jew normally studies to become observant as you study to convert. If you begin dating a nonobservant Jew after you've started your process, the rabbis don't expect that the other person will begin becoming observant but will actually draw your observance back."

I've never compromised my standards for anyone, with kosher food or otherwise. Friends have told me that I've been picky when it comes to guys, but then add this whole Jewish thing I'm into, and you have a twice as complicated situation.

But then I saw this, also on the Crazy Jewish Convert blog (don't remember the post otherwise I'd include the link for you):

1.) Don't date your former bf, and stay in the process.

M. and I haven't dated but what if I have that option? I'd be interested, even despite our age difference.

Another thing is that when my conversion is complete, I'm not going to be married within a year or 2. Okay, I mean, even if that *does* happen, I don't know if I want children. Soon after getting married or at all. I'm looking to start my career, not stay at home and have 4 kids in the next 7 years.

My background is a specific skill set, mostly comprising less-commonly taught languages, but history and politics as well. I also love to travel. I don't think my "wanderlust" has gone away since I've gotten back to the US, but I do want to continue to travel. Constantly moving, on the other hand, is something that's started to tire me. I want to live in one place for a set amount of time, and not have to move across the country, or take a trans-Atlantic flight to get home.

How am I to find a guy that meets all of the above? Those won't be compromised either. I don't see myself living in Teaneck or Passaic, even though I prefer that type of shul, but am firmly in the Modern world with my academic background and interests.

Browsing Aish, I found the following link:

and in particular this short list:

"There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

  1. chemistry and compatibility
  2. share common interests
  3. share common life goal"

the second half of 1. and all of 2. are there. If it gets to the point where 1. is completely checked off, then I don't know what decision I would make.

Talking with male classmates in undergrad, traits 1 and 2 have always been there, but the difference would be with religion, so we remained friends and didn't try to date.

Now, with M., is the exact same situation.

How frustrating!

Shuls + Dating Ages = Horribly Bad Shidduch Crisis

The city I work in has a Modern Orthodox shul, where the married ladies wear short-sleeved dresses with hems above the knee, or tight skirts, and hats or tichels where you can still see their hair.

That area is expensive to live in, so I'm moving to an area with 2 Orthodox shuls (one extremely liberal Modern Orthodox; the 2nd decidedly Black Hat). The commute to work is longer but oh well.

There's also a third shul, which is less Black Hat but still Right-Wing Orthodox.

I like Shuls 2 and 3 the best. I spent shabbos at all 3 shuls and prefer the Black Hat shul. Except for the fact that a man older than my father asked me out for a date! :-o

I went to the liberal MO shul as well, just to give it a try, and was leered at and was said hello to, by another older man old enough to be my father. ::head desk::

Where are all the guys my age???????????????????!

Answer: Married.

Back in US

Dear all,

I know I haven't been updating, so here's a nutshell recap:

I'm back in the US and have formally started the conversion process with my local Beis Din.