Thursday, August 7, 2008

Pre-wedding thoughts (though not my own wedding)

Z.'s wedding is in the morning. 11am to be exact. I don't know how I feel about it. I was stunned when I first read it over email, but now that it's happening, I have mixed feelings. Part of me is sad, almost wistful, and I want to cry, but on the other hand, I can't help but be happy for him.

I'm staying at my friend R.'s for tonight and last night. Tomorrow I move to D.'s. S. came over tonight and I told R.+C. beforehand that if she starts something, I'm going to give it to her. R. told me that S. had asked if I was going to stand up or say anything at the wedding. Why the hell would I do that? Sometimes I wonder, about the things that S. says. It seems as though she doesn't know what she's talking about.

I wouldn't do that to Z. It's his wedding. We had our time, but it's over now. He's found himself (I hope, anyhow) a girl who will continue to make him happy. He and I parted on good terms. We've kept in touch since meeting and have only recently, before the wedding invite, fallen out-of-touch. Though we haven't seen each other in 5 years, I hope that after seeing him tomorrow, in his gold vest and cream tuxedo, I'll be able to put what---deal with--try to--

close that part of my life.

After the wedding, I'll wish him congratulations, wish him well and tell him to keep in touch, wherever his work and interests take him.

As much as I have emotions running through me right now, I can't help but think that what N. said. After telling him my background with Z., he said, "You seem much happier doing what you're doing now...If you and he had dated, you'd still be in Vegas doing something you hate, and wouldn't have ended up where you are now..."

Maybe it's for the best things didn't work out with Z. I'll try to keep what N. said in mind as it gets closer and closer to the wedding. It's still difficult though. He has a point though.

Why does calling out from here have to be so difficult? R.'s house has absolutely NO phone reception so try-as-I-might to make calls the area won't let me. I tried to call T. but have had no luck. Maybe try in the morning from outside...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Flight Itinerary

My trip to Las Vegas, August 6th-August 12th, 2008:
Indianapolis (IND) to Las Vegas (LAS), connecting in Minneapolis (MSP).
August 6th, 2008:
Depart IND: 7:01pm
Northwest Flight 609
Arrive MSP: 7:49pm

Depart MSP: 9:45pm
Northwest Flight 711

Arrive LAS: 11:09pm

August 12th, 2008:
Depart: LAS: 12:50am *Red-Eye*
Northwest Flight 774
Arrive MSP: 5:47am

Depart MSP: 7:10am

Northwest Flight 500
Arrive IND: 9:49am

Grad School Ideas

What to research in grad school that will a.) be worth it to study to get in AND have a chance at funding, plus something that I won't get tired of researching the next few years?Thinking something with religion, maybe Holocaust? and bouncing between medieval+20th century. Met someone last night who said if I want to do '56, I could prob'ly get into Michigan and work with someone there. b.) Find a professor, not a program. c.) Something where I can utilize my Hungarian for research.Holocaust+Hungary. Something with Nyilas?Trianon. 56. 89. Nagy. Kadar. HISTORICAL. Not narratives.WWII? HungaryHungarian situation like Anne Frank? Where? Camps in Hungary?Did Hungary have a Rennaissance like Western Europe? Jews in Medieval Hungary, before/after Mohacs?"...the rest of the Budapest Jews were either driven into a newly created ghetto, the only such institution in Europe at the time, or were taken under the wing of neutral legations and assembled into so-called protected houses, which went by the name of Little or International Ghetto. That such ghettoes could be set up at all was due primarily to the Arrow Cross leadership's craving for recognition by the Vatican, Sweden, Switzerland and other neutral countries. To achieve such a lofty international status became for the government more important than even the total elimination of the Hungarian Jews..." What's wrong with that paragraph?Why was the Nyilas craving recognition from neutral countries who had given safe harbor to Jews? As if they wanted---Arrow Cross sets up ghettoes for Jews so they'll get leadership brownie points from said neutral countries, whom in fact gave safe harbor to Jews so they *wouldn't* get sent to the camps/executed by the Arrow Cross/Nazis?They set up the ghetto to gain recognition. Arrow Cross wanted to be recognized for organizing something to hold captive the very people they wanted to extinguish, was more important than actually carrying out out "the final solution?" I'm not saying that should have been done, but it seems like they didn't care about actually killing them, when that was the point as the war got chaotic towards the end. Govt wanted to step in and get that status. Govt in '44 was Horthy.


Books to check out from the library:
The Szatmar Peace: DB 932.4.B46 1981
Rakoczki, Transylvania: DB 932.4.A3 1868
The Age of the Hunyadis in Hungary: DB 930.5.T26
Istvan II 1116-1131: DB 929.47.T8 2002
Who was Matyas Kiraly?: DB 931.K37 1983
Turks in Hungary: DB 932. N34 1986
9 Sz. history: DB 927.K7399 1996
Matyas Kiraly and the Hungarian Rennaissance 1458-1541: DB 931.M38 1983
Who would have thought and WHY on earth between those dates? Maybe the Turks had something to do with it?
Byzantium and the Danube Frontier-DB 929.U732
Dynastic Policy of the Arpads Geza I to Emery (1074-1204): DB 929.K679 2006
Rakoczi's Army 1703-1711: DB 932.4.R18
"Where are you Istvan Kiraly?:" DB 929.35.H64 2006
Mohacs: DB 932.M64 2006

Sunday, August 3, 2008

What To Do With My Life

Last night at work, C. said to me, "While I'm gone, over the next 3 weeks, figure out what you want to do with your life."

This weekend wasn't the greatest. I was spoken down to by a boss, D., over a task that was easy enough to do. The only problem was that the boxes I was to get into were locked and I don't have that key. I asked D. if he has a key for the box. But before the question left my lips, he started asking if I didn't understand his directions, if they were too complicated. I said, "No sir, I understood your directions perfectly. The boxes are locked. Do you have a key?"
I was frustrated and a more than a little angry and I think that tone got through to him and the others who heard the exchange. Of course, no one said anything.

After work was over, I was upset because I brought the wrong box up from downstairs, got cables mixed up and into which box to put them, and then to save myself the task of hearing a speech, walked home at 11:30, after which I tried to fall asleep but didn't until an hour or so after. I came close to crying --hell, I actually did-- Maybe I can switch with whom I work so I don't have to deal with D. I don't like it when he reprimands me, and he's done it twice now, once in the fall and this weekend. Over petty things, too. Things over which I have no control to happen.

Yell at me once, shame on you,
Yell at me twice, shame on me.
Yell at me thrice, well,
I may look elsewhere for work
Or (try to) switch people to work with.

Maybe I can just work with T. and M., or A. full time and not with D. Now, given, the bosses are in the same area as D are rarely as snippy with me as he. P., P.D., C., and G., are great. I love having them as bosses! Just D. frustrates me. Just because I don't know how to do things exactly as he does them, or the fact that he said, "Well, I didn't realize I had to tell you how I wanted job x done." I didn't grow up learning technical stuff like T., you have to tell and/or then show me how you want something done. I don't know if he knows that, or maybe his tolerance isn't as high for people like me when we're in a technical setting.
-shrugs- I prefer when C. or P.D. don't like what I'm doing and they nicely tell me or show me how I could improve it, or do it better the next time, or offer suggestions on how to not get tripped up with the same thing next time. I like that much better than getting yelled at, thankyouverymuch.

What C. said, "While I'm gone, over the next 3 weeks, figure out what you want to do with your life." I know what I want to do with my life: work for the government, be a translator, or do something abroad. I could even teach. Notice that I said I could teach. I didn't say I want to.

Last week I saw that the United Nations put out a call for applications for 2009. The deadline isn't until Halloween, but I'm going to fill out an application and see what happens. That is Plan B.) . Especially since the application wants your address for Fall 2009/Spring 2010. :-p

Plan A.) is the following: Stay here the next academic year, take 3rd-year of language x, go to Canada for an exam in the Spring, then come back and apply for government work. By then, the UN thing would have panned out, and I'll have a better idea of what to do next.

Plan C.): Stay here, take 3rd-year of language x, go to Canada for an exam in the Spring, apply to grad school in Canada+country x, if the exam results go favorably. If any of this Plan C.) works, I'll get to get the heck out of here for awhile, get started on grad school and get myself established in my field. ::pauses:: I should tell C. about my blog. She'd probably get a kick out of it. Some of it anyhow, like this post. -smiles-

I almost forgot! I also applied for work in Washington at a library and a university. I applied for them solely on the basis that they need people who can read language x, among others; which I happen to be studying. The university job offers tuition remission! :-D Too bad that position isn't where I currently am! -snaps- The library job is self-explanatory. Except I'd be cataloging foreign sources and putting information into a bibliographic table. Those deadlines are fast approaching, so all I can do is wait and see what happens with them.

In other news, everything from my apartment is packed in boxes or bags, the bathroom is cleaned, the kitchen, the closets. The only things that are left to do are the oven and vacuuming, which will be done after everything is moved out. I got my outfit for Z.'s wedding from the cleaners. I have shoes to wear with it, and a purse, but I don't know which earrings to wear. My bag for Vegas is packed and all I have to do is put the top and skirt inside. I'm packed for everything a week or TWO early! That's a personal record for me!