Thursday, August 7, 2008

Pre-wedding thoughts (though not my own wedding)

Z.'s wedding is in the morning. 11am to be exact. I don't know how I feel about it. I was stunned when I first read it over email, but now that it's happening, I have mixed feelings. Part of me is sad, almost wistful, and I want to cry, but on the other hand, I can't help but be happy for him.

I'm staying at my friend R.'s for tonight and last night. Tomorrow I move to D.'s. S. came over tonight and I told R.+C. beforehand that if she starts something, I'm going to give it to her. R. told me that S. had asked if I was going to stand up or say anything at the wedding. Why the hell would I do that? Sometimes I wonder, about the things that S. says. It seems as though she doesn't know what she's talking about.

I wouldn't do that to Z. It's his wedding. We had our time, but it's over now. He's found himself (I hope, anyhow) a girl who will continue to make him happy. He and I parted on good terms. We've kept in touch since meeting and have only recently, before the wedding invite, fallen out-of-touch. Though we haven't seen each other in 5 years, I hope that after seeing him tomorrow, in his gold vest and cream tuxedo, I'll be able to put what---deal with--try to--

close that part of my life.

After the wedding, I'll wish him congratulations, wish him well and tell him to keep in touch, wherever his work and interests take him.

As much as I have emotions running through me right now, I can't help but think that what N. said. After telling him my background with Z., he said, "You seem much happier doing what you're doing now...If you and he had dated, you'd still be in Vegas doing something you hate, and wouldn't have ended up where you are now..."

Maybe it's for the best things didn't work out with Z. I'll try to keep what N. said in mind as it gets closer and closer to the wedding. It's still difficult though. He has a point though.

Why does calling out from here have to be so difficult? R.'s house has absolutely NO phone reception so try-as-I-might to make calls the area won't let me. I tried to call T. but have had no luck. Maybe try in the morning from outside...