Blatant Lying = What?

How does blatant lying fit into Loshon Hora?

What does Lashon Hara say about the following: Last Sunday, someone blatantly lying to someone else, to her face, about a 3rd person? (#1 lied to #2 about #3 {#3 being me})

#1 to #2 (my friend): [#3] told me she moved to [suburb community] and is finally converting!

#2 was put into a corner, and didn't know what to do. And of course #1 said this in front of a small group of people. FAN-tastic (<--sarcasm)

I told #2 that I haven't spoken to #1 since November. Or sometime just after the High Holidays. At least. But still.

So there's *absolutely* NO way I personally told her I'm converting in my new community. I never see her or anyone there. It's a shlep to go for Shabbos, as I don't know anyone there who has extra space for me to stay over.

Anyhow, how can I sort this out, since I'm the one being spoken about? What am I allowed to do to rectify the situation?

PS: This is a toeles situation.

PPS: I was just getting comfortable with MY community and this similar situation. Now I have to deal with people in a community I never see?! Ugh!

Background On Me

Here some background about why I haven't converted yet.

Overseas it had been impossible to convert. Before I went overseas, I involved in intense language study at a major university, and the rabbis there didn't like me.

One in particular, made an announcement about me to the observant Jewish community there, to the Observant students I'd befriended at Hillel. I found this information out during the Spring term of my first year there (Spring 2008) (the situation started September 2007). I then found out *more* information my 2nd Rosh Hashanah there (2008) {this more information was as follows: my best friend at Hillel was the one whom the rabbi wanted to announce this info about me, and tell everyone not to be friends with me} . This rabbi (aka Rabbi #1) also called my undergrad rabbi (Rabbi #3) who then called me, who told me that Rabbi #1 didn't want me at his Shabbos table until I bring him CRC paperwork.

I don't think what I did was wrong, even now.

I think that Rabbi #1 thought that it was my goal to sleep around with the Jewish guys or whatever (which is completely not my goal now or ever; only until after I'm married[and that's a personal, secular choice I made before I began to be observant)].

Rabbi #2 is okay with me, kind of. He said I could go to his home for dinner, as long I didn't date anyone. Which he told me to my face.

Yes, I had hung out with an observant crowd at Hillel the Hillel, and I have guy friends from Hillel, who are fine with me. They don't mind only my dad being Jewish. The few I was close to thought Rabbi #1 was crazy, but there were more people, 2 others I have heard of -- I was friends with one while she was there (she had since graduated) - whom he asked (to her face, I think!) not to come to dinner. So, the only place I can go is Hillel, but the Hillel rabbi is great! She's totally fine with me and doesn't like what happened. She was the only one I could talk to about stuff when it was going on, and she knew about everything as it happened. Unlike myself, who was told about some of the information in this post years after the fact (for example, Fall 2009).

Before, during undergrad, I was around 3 kinds of Orthodoxy: Litvish, Chabad, and Modern Orthodox (<--Rabbi #3). I started going to shul more after my dog passed away, and then Shul hopped between the Litvish Yeshiva (Yup, a yeshiva on the lake! If you know anyone with sons who would want to go, here's the website: http://www.witsyeshiva.com/) and Rabbi #3. I know one of the WITS families, but I mainly stayed with Rabbi #3. As I was around the 2 groups more, I learned about Orthodoxy, and the customs that they follow that the others necessarily don't, but mainly Taharat Hamishpacha and the sheitel thing. The Rabbi #3's wife got a sheitel and it looks really nice! Before I moved away, she let me try it on and I *loved* wearing it! I thought I wanted to before, but now after trying one on, I'm *so* looking forward to wearing one! :-)

So, after 3 years in the Upper Midwest (2004-2007), I went to a party school in the "Lower Midwest" (known almost as much for the basketball team as for its diverse and specific academics {in certain circles, anyway})), where I stayed for 2 years (2007-2009) studying crazy languages, before moving overseas for graduate school (2009-2011).

I was accepted to graduate schools in Toronto and Glasgow, and decided to move to the UK.
The Glasgow community was very nice, even though I only went to Garnethill for the High Holidays (http://haruth.com/jw/JewsUKGarnethill.html). If you click the link, the shul really *does* look like that inside! :-D :-) Oh, and if you trek up to go there, you *will* feel it the next couple of days. It's at at the highest point on a hill; you'll walk up windy, inclined streets to actually reach the shul, but it's worth it. The security got to know me after a few weeks.

I also emailed the London Beis Din, to see if it would be possible to convert while in Scotland, which it isn't. Then I went to Hungary for the 2nd year, and now I'm back in the US!

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me!

--
www.humanities-girl.blogspot.com

What I learned this Weekend

#1: A roller coaster of emotions is definitely possible in a 4 hour period

#2: People can surprise you; especially when you least expect it.

#3: My Pesach meals - for the entire week - are pretty much set

#4: Girls don't make Kiddush for themselves. Period. Regardless if you're Jewish or converting. That's what guys are for.

#5: I have really great friends

#6: I'm a pro at Pesach cleaning. I know what to do now, as I spent 10 hours at a friend's house yesterday helping her and her family clean, put stuff away, and bring Pesach-ware down.

#7: I have a stellar Shidduch reference, whenever that time comes

#8: Oatmeal is NOT ha-adama. It's mezonos.

#9: I know the Bracha hierarchy (Ha-motzi, mezonos, tree, ground, Shehakol)

#10: Don't assume - this goes both ways though! How can *I* not do this, but other people can?

Helpful links:
http://www.ou.org/publications/brachot/default.htm
http://www.berachot.org/foods/cereals.htm
http://www.berachot.org/halacha/11_order.html

Clothing Rant

So...what's with the clothing adaptation?

I just got a bunch of Spring/Summer clothes for work and shul.

Then someone, a guy, told me that I may have to follow my community's norms. Which don't have much wiggle room, since there are the 60 plusers, all in sheitels, in older-lady clothing, and then you have the school-age girls (middle and high school), who are always in long-sleeves and long skirts when I see them on Shabbos, and then me.

I should add to this that there are no girls my age in my community. I mean, they *were* there a few months back, but I haven't seen any of them for about a month. Which brings me to my next thing: Can I be friends with the guys at shul I talk to on a regular basis? (Regular basis being at Shala Shoedas). #1 is engaged, #2 is Single, #3 likes one of the girls I haven't seen in a month, and I haven't seen #4 in about a month.

I mean, I spoke to 1 and 2 motzei Shabbos, but I'm fairly certain I can't randomly call them up to say, "Hey, let's grab a coffee!" or just hang out. And I'm fine with that. It's better to hang out with people in groups.

I'm kinda' stuck! I mean, all of the ladies I've met, and told I'm converting, have been wonderful. Fantastic even! But there's a *huge* gap between them (all of whom have children between 3 and 21, collectively) and their school-age girls, the 60+-ers, the young marrieds (of which there are only a few), and me. At least clothing wise.

The youngest married ladies are early-mid 20s to 30s, but they're married. And/or expecting. All of us have different jobs-slash-careers, so our clothing is different. And that everyone is not on the same place on the Orthodoxy spectrum.

How can I be expected to somewhat...what's the word...adhere to community standards if all of the above-mentioned women (women in their 40s, over 60s, 20s+30s, rabbi's wife, scientists, interpreters, me) dress differently (different skirt lengths, different sleeve lengths, different sheitel lengths, [if they wear a sheitel], different stockings, and if they wear skirts, even.

What am I supposed to do?

A few weeks back, when I met with the Gadol Hador, he told me what the Halacha is. So now, how do I spot the difference between Halacha, Minchag, and Chumra, in the community I'm in? I don't want to re-Frum-out only for shul. That wouldn't be me. And that would be a complete waste of my tax refund money. Since I spent it on Spring/Summer clothes as I have none.

Ugh, what a mess!

Mamish Pesach drama!

But is currently getting sorted, Baruch Hashem!!

Reactions Take 1

So, since my LOR wanted me to tell families in the community that I'm converting, I've started, slowly, begrudgingly, to do just that.

Although, since the few I've told so far, they didn't seem fazed by it. And all were fine with it.

I figured that my real 'test' was to be this past Shabbos. See, before - well, over the past few weeks - when I've told the first bunch, who are those who invited me to meals first, they've been fine with it.

So this Shabbos, my plan was to tell this family (whom I was over to once, a few weeks ago, after lunch, to just hang out and chit chat), and have it be nonchalantly, should it (more often than not) come up over the course of conversation.





It didn't quite happen like that.

The head of the household said Kiddush, then proceeds to hand out the cups. Yeah...I know about the wine thing, even though I don't drink, but I wasn't sure if I could touch the K. cups...I pass them along, and then wait for conversations to die out, so the husband can go wash.

Note: I know I refer to the husband twice in the above sentences, but of the one time I was previously over, I spoke with him more than his wife.

Anyhow, I asked him if I could speak to him for a sec before washing, and he says sure (of course, a bit more formally since I don't really know him that well).

So, since I have no other option here, I just sorta' say, y'know, "I was hoping to have this come up in conversation, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm converting with the Gadol Hador."

Him, with amused look on his face: Okay. I know.

Me, completely bewildered-doing-a-double-take: You *know*? [Inside this is my reaction: :-o :-o]. Did Mrs. X tell you?

Him: No. She knows?

Me: Yes, I told her a couple weeks ago.

Him: So, when will you be finished?

Me: I don't know. Everyone's different.

Then we washed, and all of us had lunch, but I didn't see him again. HOW DID HE KNOW?

:-o

I *so* wanted to talk to him about it!

I mean, hey, I was calm, I didn't get upset. I was proud of myself for that.

But how did he know?

I'm stymied...

The next people I told live next to Mrs. X. They asked me, "Why are you converting? Do you know Hebrew? When will you be done?"

We had a nice conversation/dialogue about it. Which had more questions for me to ask the GH.

Now, had I been more comfortable talking about this 2 weeks ago, and not so freaking out so much about it, I would have done the following for a Purim costume:
Made a sign or something that says, "NO, I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE DONE. CALL GH WITH YOUR QUESTIONS.!!"

Maybe not all in caps, but you get the idea


PS: When I first arrived for lunch, a group of us were sitting around the kitchen table, and somehow -- oh, that's right, it was one of the ladies' birthday -- and so, we went around telling when our birthday's are. My turn. I said I should have been born around Thanksgiving. And then the whole preemi story came out. Came out before I told the husband I'm converting. So I'm sure his head is spinning with all he learned about me in the first hour I was over at his house.



2 quotes came to mind just before the weekend: "Resist is futile" and "Be aggressive, be be aggressive [a teeny bit]"

So, I have no idea what's gonna happen next with all of this. But I'll be prepared for it.

http://finkorswim.com/2012/02/07/an-atheist-who-loves-orthodox-jews/

Gur Hasids and Sexual Separation

http://www.haaretz.com/weekend/week-s-end/gur-hasidim-and-sexual-separation-1.410811

Questions for rabbis

I started a Word doc to keep track of the rest of my rabbi questions:

Reading Lamm's "The Jewish Way in Love & Marriage"..I came up with the following:

1.) "The dowry is distinct from property or possessions that the bride owns and continues to own privately throughout marriage...The bride's private property, called nikhsei melog, is given outright to the bride, the husband enjoying only the "fruit" (usufruct) during marriage. It is not part of the dowry and is not included in the ketubah."

So..the dowry doesn't include everything I have or have bought before the wedding? This 'private property' (which = what, exactly?) is given to me, which the husband enjoys throughout the marriage.

2.) What does 100 pieces of Silver = today? What about 200 pieces of Silver? Why not just a solid bar of Gold? Or a set amount of money? What happens if a Hungarian marries an Italian? Do they pay in one or both currencies? Or US dollars?

3.) ("This ketubah de'irkhesa is required, even today, for everyone who has misplaced or lost the original ketubah.")

Can you have 2 Ketubas? Like, have one framed at home, and then a duplicate in a safety deposit box, just in case the one at home gets destroyed?

4.) How complicated IS a Ketubah for converts? "The ketubah is a very complicated document, especially for widows, converts, and divorcees." Why? How so?

4A.) Perhaps because they get paid a different amount of money than never-married virgins?

4B.) Converts are considered to be non-virgins, because it is assumed by the Gemara that they had sexual intercourse during their time as non-Jews. And the law is stuck like that. That is why converts cannot marry kohanim.

Why does Halacha assume that all converts have had sex?

"trust the alleged parentage of a convert" - If I said my mother's Jewish I wouldn 't be converting. Why would something like that be lied about?

A friend's response to that:

The Talmud indeed says that if a person admits to something we would not have known otherwise, then we trust them, because they could have just lied. For example, the Talmud says, if a woman tells us that she WAS married BUT got divorced, then we trust her that her divorce is kosher, without proof, because she could have just lied and told us she has never been married. The Talmud's logic is, if you trust the person on one count, you must trust them completely, and if you do not trust them, then you must completely not trust them. So I wonder, why cannot we say that here? I.e., either we trust you when you tell us your mother is not Jewish, and so we should also trust you when you say you're virgin, or else, if we do not trust you about your virginity, then we should not trust you when you tell us about your mother.

either you lie about everything, or you tell the truth about everything. We either trust you or we don't. Either we trust you about both your mother and your virginity, or we distrust you about
both. We cannot pick and choose. Either you are telling the truth both when you say your mother is a gentile and that you are a virgin, or else you are lying about both. So I'm not sure why we do NOT say that, about converts, vis a vis virginity and marrying kohanim.

Today, You can’t even determine who is and is not a virgin.

Why does it matter if the woman is one or not? I can see why it mattered in ancient times, but today, there seems to be no reason.

5.) What about secular wedding ceremony traditions (father-daughter dance) - can they be incorporated somehow into a Jewish wedding? It's my dad, after all. And MUST my wedding dress be white? What's if it's slightly not?

6.) What is the difference between ha-adam and ha-adama (aside from one being a bracha)?

If my birthday is within the 3 weeks, how can I celebrate?

Before, says the rabbi. But after talking about it with a friend, I think I'll have a few friends over after the 3 weeks; maybe order Italian for it, or maybe just go to the restaurant, despite it being across town! :-)

Which brings me to questions about the 3 weeks:

-not allowed to shave.

I work in an office, wear stockings every day, and can't NOT shave. I'm not going to wear opaque black stockings for pretty much the entirety of July, I'm sorry. And as I don't wear trousers, not shaving is not negotiable.

and one about the 9 Days:

-refrain from wearing newly laundered garments, or laundering any clothes.

I can do all my laundry before the 9 days start, so I'll have clothes for work before and after.

I

I

Kohanim and Converts

This week, I found out why Kohanim can't marry Converts. It's because everyone assumes that converts must have slept around before converting, and as a result, are off limits to Kohanim.

I find this ridiculous! I can see why it mattered in ancient times, but today... no. Emailing about this with a friend, he said it's "awfully forward and brazen of me to say" that I haven't had sex. Wouldn't it be *more* so to say I have?

I mentioned this whole thing to the Mora d'Asra this week, one I'm comfortable around, and he said that that's another thing to let a Shadchan know (whenever I get to that point, that is). Just because someone is a BT, or a Convert, doesn't meant they've had the same experiences. As he put it, 'a party boy who found G-d after throwing up who knows how much liquor,' probably isn't going to be a match for a bookworm who hung out in the library.

He actually knows a guy like me, and whenever I'm done with this process, depending on the guy's age, academic background, and level of attraction, I'd be interested.

Meeting

My meeting with my new rabbi was fine.

Once I started telling him about me, I was less nervous. He was okay with me, too, and is fine with keeping things quiet. He surprised me though, by telling me that there are 10 converts in the community.

:-o Whoa! I don't know what I was expecting, but it sure wasn't that! :-p :-)

He offered to introduce me to the ladies, so I can spend Shabbos with them and see what they do, but I told him I'd think about it. If he tells them, I can't control who they would or wouldn't tell.

I told him what I know/do (Kosher, Shabbos Davening, Tznius, Shabbos [2 in-a-row now, except for 1 thing]), and what I need to work on (after bracha davening, weekly davening). I told him how I know about TH, and plan to wear a sheitel, and that I love that TH is his background! He seemed to like that, 'cause he smiled and laughed a bit when I said it.

I told him who the rabbis were where I lived before, and how I got in touch with the local Bais Din (Thank you, JewInTheCity! <3 ), and then how I came to his community.

He also asked me about my family, and their take on my frumming out a few years ago, and that my parents are split on the issue (aside from each other), though my mom's better about it than my dad and his side of the family. He also asked my age (27), and I said that, while I'm Shomer, even if I could date someone right now, there's no one TO date, 'cause I'm not interested in anyone.

I'm so glad he's nice, and that he's willing to keep my converting quiet. I told him how I see myself as a BT, because I've been doing a lot for awhile now. When he asked me if there's anything I don't like, I told him it drives me crazy when people talk to me as if I don't know anything!

He said we could meet every few weeks to go over Shabbos and Halacha questions, and I could get to know his wife. I'd like to. I guess now all there is to do is hit the books, and keep taking down questions! :-)

Shavua Tov!

Rabbi Meeting

The Mora d'Asra is my favorite rabbi of ones I know. who is only a few years older than me, is my go-to for questions/how I'm feeling with things. After telling him about Shabbos, he feels that this whole thing could get bad, since no one knows my status except for my room mate (and I asked her not to say anything to anyone). However, she thinks that people finding out in May about my status would be weird.

The Mora d'Asra said to call the Gadol Hador and ask him about this sponsoring rabbi business, and I'm waiting to hear about it, too.

Yes, this could get bad, but it might not.

Pretend for a second I work for the CIA or MOSSAD's Kidon. Who I work for is no one's business. I'm not obligated to tell anyone, and why should they want to know. My Jewish background, and current status, is no one's business except mine, and those select few directly involved, or who I choose to tell about it. Converting should be the same way.

Moved In and Settling

I'm all moved in and am settling in, and this past Shabbos was not without its merits.

Let's start with Friday night. Friends of my roommate who also live in my building invited me for dinner. I heard that a family was coming as well. After a knock on the door, the family comes in. I recognized one of the girls from 3 years ago, and didn't know she was in the area. We were a bit shocked to see each other. I later found out that she, like everyone else in the room, goes to the Liberal Orthodox shul. I found this out after dinner when saying good-bye. She said she would see me tomorrow in shul, but I just smiled and said, "Oh, I'm going to [Yeshivish shul].'

DEAD SILENCE FOR 3 SECONDS.

Great.

I hung around a bit more, before walking downstairs to my place.

The next morning, I get up, have some cholent for breakfast since I stirred it, and then went off to shul.

Each week, I meet more and more of the ladies. Which is fine. I'm sorta' glad about my status, because this is the 2nd week that one of the men tells me he's single.

o_O

Nevermind that he's in his 40s, AND had his girlfriend? or just a close female friend? right next to us when he said it.

So, he introduces me to this rocket scientist ( I kid you not), and then to this couple who invite me to lunch. I'm really torn at this point, since all I want to do is to go home, hang out in my pjs, and read all afternoon while noshing on the cholent that I made for the first time in 3 years, which came out pretty good, if I do say so myself.

But no, I was polite and accepted the couple's lunch invitation. Their lunch was fantastic. I'm glad I went. Except for one thing: someone asked me my Hebrew name and I said I didn't have one.

DEAD SILENCE for 3 seconds.

sigh

After lunch, Guy-who-told-me-he's-single offered to walk me back towards Shul so I could figure out how to get home. On the way, what does do? Re-asks me, or confirms? my lack of having a Jewish name. I tell him that's true, because I was raised in an unobservant household. He seemed satisfied with this, and doesn't any more questions.

However, he uses us walking to tell me about himself. As in, more information that I would have liked to know after meeting someone 2 hours ago. Like the fact that he apologized for kinda' pushing the lunch invite, even though I made lunch for myself. His reasoning for my wanting to have lunch alone, was that I must have just come out of a 2 year relationship with a non-Jew (which was his reasoning for eating alone for more than a few weeks, and recently from what I could tell). He said that many in the community shunned them, or were only comfortable going to a few houses. The girl had no intention of converting, and they broke up.


I have no idea what is going to happen over the coming weeks. At shul, the rabbi and his wife invited me over for lunch at some point, and I already have plans to go to someone's for lunch this week, so I have no idea when I'll get over to the Rabbi's house. I kinda' feel obligated to tell him, but then again I don't.

Shabbos #1 at New Shul

Note: As I write this, I'm all moved into my apartment. This post goes back a few weeks, to the first time I went to my new shul.

After exchanging pleasantries with an older man, who's a native speaker of an uncommon language I've studied for 4 1/2 years, he introduces me to his male friend who's older than he is.

This friend starts his conversation with me as follows (I kid you not):

"Hi. I'm single. Would you want to meet up sometime?"

o_O

To clarify even further, this man is older than my father, and has white hair.

I'm shocked, and don't even know how to begin my response. But I vaguely remember looking down, and softly saying no.

I admit, I could have been a bit more polite, I was just shocked. I mean, what 27 year old expects to be asked out by a man older than her father? And at shul, no less?

Frum Girl Rhodes Scholar

http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new_york/rhodes_scholars_get_first_frum_woman

Dating?

I know I'm not supposed to date. Anyone. People are and do but that's a whole nother issue for a different day.

I'm puzzled over the below situation:

I met up with a language friend motzei Shabbos. He (let's call him M.) and I study less-commonly taught languages, and have lived and worked in the countries we've focused on in school. He's vegetarian, and seems to want to to make an effort to go to kosher restaurants so that I can have "real food" instead of just coffee or doughnuts. Aside from him being 21, and looking older, (and me 27, but looking early 20s), is that while he identifies and was raised as Lutheran (ELCA), his mother is in fact, Jewish. But he doesn't know a thing about Judaism.

We have plans to hang out again, and tentative plans to go to operas and ballets in the winter (which are black tie).

I figure there are 2 options if we were to date:

1.) Stop converting and date him. Yes, his mother's Jewish, but he was raised Christian, so really, it would be just 2 people dating.

2.) Stay friends, or maybe try to date. My converting might be the thing that shows him the beauty of Judaism so he would become more interested in it.

3.) How freaking crazy is it that I would have to convert to date him, even if he's extremely secular by Jewish standards...

So, between this and my last post, there's a huge shortage of eligible guys.

My only options are men my father's age (who are definitely out!), or guys in their early to mid 20s, and not Jewish, but who are fine with how I live my life.

Then again, reading Skylar's blog:
http://crazyjewishconvert.blogspot.com/2011/02/why-you-shouldnt-date-during-conversion.html

"Similarly, if your new partner isn't orthodox but you're in the orthodox conversion process, that is enough to derail your conversion for "not being serious." Many people approach the conversion process because they're dating a nonobservant Jew, but the nonobservant Jew normally studies to become observant as you study to convert. If you begin dating a nonobservant Jew after you've started your process, the rabbis don't expect that the other person will begin becoming observant but will actually draw your observance back."

I've never compromised my standards for anyone, with kosher food or otherwise. Friends have told me that I've been picky when it comes to guys, but then add this whole Jewish thing I'm into, and you have a twice as complicated situation.

But then I saw this, also on the Crazy Jewish Convert blog (don't remember the post otherwise I'd include the link for you):

1.) Don't date your former bf, and stay in the process.

M. and I haven't dated but what if I have that option? I'd be interested, even despite our age difference.

Another thing is that when my conversion is complete, I'm not going to be married within a year or 2. Okay, I mean, even if that *does* happen, I don't know if I want children. Soon after getting married or at all. I'm looking to start my career, not stay at home and have 4 kids in the next 7 years.

My background is a specific skill set, mostly comprising less-commonly taught languages, but history and politics as well. I also love to travel. I don't think my "wanderlust" has gone away since I've gotten back to the US, but I do want to continue to travel. Constantly moving, on the other hand, is something that's started to tire me. I want to live in one place for a set amount of time, and not have to move across the country, or take a trans-Atlantic flight to get home.

How am I to find a guy that meets all of the above? Those won't be compromised either. I don't see myself living in Teaneck or Passaic, even though I prefer that type of shul, but am firmly in the Modern world with my academic background and interests.

Browsing Aish, I found the following link:
http://www.aish.com/d/w/48955756.html

and in particular this short list:

"There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

1. chemistry and compatibility
2. share common interests
3. share common life goal"

the second half of 1. and all of 2. are there. If it gets to the point where 1. is completely checked off, then I don't know what decision I would make.

Talking with male classmates in undergrad, traits 1 and 2 have always been there, but the difference would be with religion, so we remained friends and didn't try to date.

Now, with M., is the exact same situation.

How frustrating!

Shuls + Dating Ages = Horribly Bad Shidduch Crisis

The city I work in has a Modern Orthodox shul, where the married ladies wear short-sleeved dresses with hems above the knee, or tight skirts, and hats or tichels where you can still see their hair.

That area is expensive to live in, so I'm moving to an area with 2 Orthodox shuls (one extremely liberal Modern Orthodox; the 2nd decidedly Black Hat). The commute to work is longer but oh well.

There's also a third shul, which is less Black Hat but still Right-Wing Orthodox.

I like Shuls 2 and 3 the best. I spent shabbos at all 3 shuls and prefer the Black Hat shul. Except for the fact that a man older than my father asked me out for a date! :-o

I went to the liberal MO shul as well, just to give it a try, and was leered at and was said hello to, by another older man old enough to be my father. ::head desk::

Where are all the guys my age???????????????????!

Answer: Married.

Back in US

Dear all,

I know I haven't been updating, so here's a nutshell recap:

I'm back in the US and have formally started the conversion process with my local Beis Din.

Saint Stephen's Weekend in BP

There were several guests at dinner Friday night, and I met some local guys my age, who were quite stunned when one of the guests began to speak Hungarian to the crowd. One leaned over in the middle of the man's speech, to ask if I understood anything. When I said I'd understood a bit, he responded that I was the only one! :-o !!

I understood most of what this speech guy was talking about, but when the guys asked me what he had said, I couldn't remember enough to retell it after the fact. :-/

After talking to this guy and his friend over the course of dinner, the friend told me that I know the (Hungarian) grammar really well, and that despite a few mistakes, he wasn't expecting to hear my accent when I speak. :-)
Guy Number 1 studies medicine at the medical university here, could tell I'm foreign, but couldn't tell if I was English or not. :-p

Oh, and something that really bothers me! If I ask them to repeat something, they'll say it

one...word...at...a...time...

ugh! I can follow you, just don't speak so fast!! Sheesh!

I also met an Israeli girl at dinner. Or maybe she's Hungarian. I have no idea. But her Hungarian was *really* hard to understand! I think she must be Hungarian, but since she lives and teaches in Jerusalem, and therefore speaks Hebrew, maybe her Hungarian has taken on a Hebrew accent? (Like last summer when my Romanian professor told me that I had a Hungarian accent when I spoke Romanian [which I was totally unaware of])...
Or maybe it's the other way around? Maybe she...no, that's not right. Why would an Israeli, who lives and teaches in Jerusalem, be fluent in Hungarian? She must be Hungarian, and speak Hebrew because of where she lives, and that in turn influences her Hungarian... Maybe my Linguistics friends can shed some light on this...

Oh, and the speech guy. He had a Yiddish accent in Hungarian. Maybe that's why the guys, or everyone?, had a difficult time understanding him. Or maybe it was how he put sentences together? Although, when he was talking, I made mental notes on his mistakes, but didn't want to correct him, since there were *more* than enough locals to do that (and who did [at least in the beginning])!

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Saturday morning I was up and out around 10 and after 15 minutes, who do I run into but a friend from the conference! He was going to a book shop and we caught up a bit, talking about the politics of studying certain areas of the world, and then parted ways as he went to meet his wife and I headed for the synagogue.

Lunch at the synagogue was jaw-dropping! There was this older guy there, who turned out to be not only from CA, but the area I'm from, has lived there 20 years, and his grandson graduated high school 4 years ago, at a high school across town from me!! Who woulda' thought! He asked where my parents live, and when I named the cities, he nodded like a local would! :-) This guy and his wife spend 6 months here, and then are in Palm Springs for the other half of the year. He left Hungary in 1956 after the Revolution
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hungarian_Revolution_of_1956), when he was 8, and he chatted with a visiting rabbi who was also at lunch; over - and I mean this in the nicest way possible - who among their relatives were sent to which concentration camp: Dachau, Mauthausen, and Auschwitz. The rabbi's relatives to Germany, this guy's to Austria, and relatives of his, outside the capital, to Poland, and how anyone sick (or diabetic) was immediately sent to the gas chamber.





The guy gave me his card and told me to get in touch, saying how I'd have to meet his wife. They're leaving sometime in October to go back to California (CA), and are here visiting his wife's parents, who live in the old part of Buda, also known as Obuda (literally Old Buda). Since he was headed to the rabbi's for lunch today, I'll e-mail him tomorrow. I had lunch with a few people at the synagogue, which consisted of bread, hummus, baba ganoush, egg salad, corn/cucumber salad, and cholent! :-)

Budapest Jewish Quarter

Hi, so I recently received a friend request on Facebook and accepted, but I haven't updated this blog in about a year. So, I was in Glasgow all of last year, and am now in Budapest.

I've been renting a room in the Jewish quarter. The hostel I found online had 12 beds to a room, and the lockers didn't have locks, so since I didn't want to risk anything since I have everything with me for school and this conference, I decided to look elsewhere for the week's accommodaton. Since I was here a month ago, and found it easy to navigate around the Jewish quarter, I used that as a starting point/home base. I remembered the pizza store ladies, but the store was closed on Sunday. I went down the block to one of the restaurants and explained the situation I was in, to the waiter that's always there. He remembered me from last time and was able to help. He also remembered that I don't speak Hebrew, which was nice. The main lady who's there isn't the friendliest, but maybe that was because the restaurant that day was pretty full!

The main lady made a phone call and I waited an hour or so for the guy to come over to the restaurant. Since I was there, I got soup for dinner: meat soup with vegetables and pasta, which was pretty good. While I waited for my soup, an older couple came in, followed by a French family, and then a group of people who could have only been there on an arranged date: a young couple and their parents, trying to see if this would be the day their child would have a successful shidduch! I passed this last group when I went to wash my hands, and on the way back to my table, neither young person looked pleased with the situation they were in.

The older couple: the wife, was fairly rude to the waiter in the way that she asked for a menu. No, not the menu, but the paperwork that says the type of kosher food supervision and which rabbi oversees that supervision. She was married and wearing a wig that seems to be a bit too young for her, style-wise.

Then this lone older lady comes in and sits down at the table next to me. The main lady came over and they started chatting. I don't know if the older one, or both, are matchmakers, but from what they were talking about, they sure could have been! First they were talking about this English guy, -- well, this guy -- who studied in Manchester, in England, and then they switched to some girl's Sheva Brachos. I don't know if they were trying to set up the sister of the girl who got married, with the guy from Manchester, but it was an interesting conversation, nonetheless! At least what I could understand...

Then the guy who was going to show me the room I'm staying in, showed up. We spoke English on the phone, and then I said hello and such to him in Hungarian. Well, the main lady just LOVED this (<--sarcasm). She's like, "She's American but doesn't want to speak English...?" and threw her hands up, glancing at the other lady and the guy, who didn't seem to mind whatever language we spoke.

I really don't like Hungarians who do this. Just like I don't like Hungarians who repeat back to me in English whatever I've just said/asked them in Hungarian. Fortunately, that hasn't happned too much yet, and I hope it won't become a habit.

PS: I have limited internet so I might not be back til the 9th.